My partner and I have been together for a decade, and we still have arguments that leave us both frustrated, but I've noticed that the 'marriage is hard work' mantra gets misused to excuse constant conflict. Yes, relationships require effort, but shouldn't there be a baseline of ease and joy? I see friends who treat every disagreement as a sign they're not trying hard enough, when maybe they're just incompatible. Is the belief that 'a good marriage takes constant struggle' actually harmful, or does it prepare us for reality?